Letting Go

This morning at 6:35 AM my baby boy left on a jet, headed for Great Lakes, IL. It doesn't matter that he is 20 years old, he is, and always will be, my baby. I miss him like crazy already.

Yesterday his father and I watched him swear his allegiance to our United States Constitution and become a member of the United States Navy. I am so proud of him and I know he will rise to the challenge and preform his duties with honor and excellence. I'm excited for him as I know this will open a whole new world to him and allow him to become the man I know he is meant to be. That is what I know to be true, intellectually.

The mommy in me, however, is having a hard time with all this. For the past week especially I have been reliving his entire childhood; wondering if I gave him enough of me and my time. We read stories before bed EVERY night since he was a year old or so, but did we read enough stories? We played with Legos and built things, but did I do it often enough? We played with, well, we crashed matchbox cars and had battles with G.I. Joes, Ninja Turtles and Transformers, but will he remember all of that? Did I bake him enough cookies, make him enough of his favorite peanut butter and honey sandwiches (cut on the diagonal) and make his chocolate milk just the way he likes it? Was I a good enough mommy? This is what I am agonizing over right now. That, and wondering if THEY will take good care of him. Will his bed be comfortable? Will he be warm enough? Will he like the food? Of course I know the answers to those questions will be: No, No and No. I will learn to deal with this, probably not as well as my son, but I will try.

The week before my son's first day of kindergarten, the teachers invited all the moms for a get acquainted visit. They told us what our child's day would be like, showed us the playground and signed up the mommies that would be willing to help out in the classroom from time to time. At the end of the hour one of the teachers brought out a book to read to us. I don't think any book has ever had as profound an affect on me... ever. I can't even think about it now without choking up. If you are a parent and have never read this short children's story, or if you know a new parent and they don't have this book yet, get it for yourself or for them. I know in a week or two I will pull it off the shelf and reread it, probably a few times, and have my self a good cry or two (or four or five). This is the book, it's by author Robert Munsch, "Love You Forever". You will have to copy and paste this URL to your browser, or do a google search on your own so that you can read a snippet of the book on line. Go ahead, I dare you, just have some tissues handy.

http://books.google.com/books?id=7ep09WAFbDwC&dq=love+you+forever+by+robert+n.+munsch&printsec=frontcover&source=bn&hl=en&ei=FSdhS52zC5HQtgPW8pm-Cw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=4&ved=0CBgQ6AEwAw#v=onepage&q=&f=false

New Starts

I think most people can remember how they felt at the beginning of every new school year. The excitement that came with a new teacher, new classmates and more importantly, knowing that you would be learning new 'things'. You could put the previous years behind you, ticking them off the list, because this was a fresh start and a chance to do even better than the year before.

For me, I took comfort in knowing there was a beginning, a middle and an end. A deadline, if you will, to get things done. Now, I'm not quite sure why I liked this framework as I've always been a procrastinator. Maybe it was knowing that if it wasn't a stellar year, it would end, at a known point in time and I would have my glorious summer to get over it. Then of course, with hope springing eternally along, I would have yet another year to start all over again...

Well, it's been ages since I was in a classroom, with deadlines and goals spelled out for me. But like most everyone, I've set certain goals for myself over the years; some accomplished but most not. I have a million excuses for why I haven't attained some of these goals but the bottom line is, it's on me. We make choices, for a myriad of reasons, but the fact remains, WE make the choices.

So here I am, at a point in my life where I feel free to make some choices that I've been afraid to make before now. It's very exciting, a little scary ( no, really, it's a lot scary) but I'm going to jump in and do it.

If you're interested in what this might all be about, I invite you to follow my blog. Yes, I really will keep up with it, if for no other reason than to keep myself on track and accountable. So, to misquote a line from the the movie "All About Eve", "Fasten your seat belts. It's going to be a bumpy ride."